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Jet Fuel Formula Episode 22: Adrift in the Mist or Fog Groggy/Transcript
'Narrator: '''Well, our heroes are all at sea, for Boris Badenov has tricked them into a leaky lifeboat, cut the cables, and watched them drift away in the fog. Little does he know that the boys have taken the priceless mooseberry bush with them, disguised as an old gentleman named Uncle Chumley. '''Rocky: '''Hey, Bullwinkle, this boat is leaking! '''Bullwinkle: '''You know, I got the same sneaky feeling. '''Rocky: '''We've gotta find something to plug up the holes. '''Bullwinkle: '''I got this one stopped. ''(a bigger leak is seen) 'Rocky: '''Yeah, but what about that one? '''Bullwinkle: '''You might lend a hand, Uncle Chumley, 'stead of just sittin' there. '''Rocky: '''Hey, Bullwinkle, I've got an idea! '''Bullwinkle: '''What is it? '''Rocky: '''Stand on your head! '''Bullwinkle: '''Is that your idea of a idea?! '''Rocky: '''Quick, we can use your antlers as plugs! '''Narrator: '''Sure enough, as fate would have it, when Bullwinkle stood on his head, the points of his antlers just fit the holes in the bottom of the boat. '''Rocky: '''It's working, Bullwinkle! You stopped the leaks! '''Bullwinkle: '''Shows what you can do if you just use your head. '''Rocky: '''Now all we have to do is wait for the S.S. Andalusia to find us. '''Bullwinkle: '''I hope they hustle it up. My brains are getting soggy. '''Rocky: '''Don't worry. They'll pick us up in a couple of minutes. '''Narrator: '''Rocky wouldn't have been so confident if he knew more about the Andalusia, for she was under the command of Captain Peter Peachfuzz, the world's worst sailor. ''(flashback of Captain Peachfuzz's younger days) 'Narrator: '''Even as a youth, Peter Peachfuzz had wanted to be a captain, but something always went wrong. ''(Peachfuzz tries to sail his toy boat in a fountain, but it sinks; he walks to the recruiting office) 'Narrator: '''At 18, Peter joined the Navy where, due to his sailing in the Panama Canal in the wrong direction, he wound up in command of the only icebreaker in the South Seas. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Half ahead port! Stand by to jettison the super cargo! Tippecanoe and Tyler too! On the double! '''Narrator: '''His seamanship won him scores of medals, all donated by the enemy, and a nickname was bestowed on him by his grateful shipmates, "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz. After his Military service, he assumed command of a smaller vessel plying the coastal waters. ''(vessel sputters; cut to Peachfuzz's letter of inheritance) 'Narrator: '''Then, one day, a maiden aunt died and left him $100,000,000. Of course, Peter's first act was to buy the S.S. Andalusia and hire himself as Captain. His second act was to run right into the Brooklyn Bridge. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Port astern! Block that kick! '''Narrator: '''Next day, after he tried to sail the Andalusia up 42nd Street to Times Square, his officers held a special meeting. '''Officer 1: '''He's a mutton-headed idiot! '''Officer 2: '''Couldn't command a boat in the bathtub. '''Officer 1: '''He's a birdbrain! '''Officer 2: '''As a bird lover, I resent that. '''Officer 3: '''Yes, gentlemen, he is an incompetent nincompoop. He really has only one qualification. '''Officers 1 and 2: '''What's that? '''Officer 3: '''He's the captain. '''Officer 2: '''But we've gotta do something. '''Officer 3: '''I think I have a plan. '''Narrator: '''And so, late that night, the officers watched as the ship's carpenter quietly disconnected the captain's steering wheel and telegraph. Of course, Peachfuzz never noticed the change. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Wheel loft! Hold that line! '''Narrator: '''But the ship was actually run from another set of controls on a lower deck. Unfortunately, while all the other officers were searching for our heroes, Captain Peachfuzz made a wrong turn and wound up in the right room. ''(Captain Peachfuzz madly turns the wheel; the Andalusia is heard tooting) 'Narrator: '''The result was instant panic. The Andalusia spun around in circles, and then started off at full speed in all directions at once. '''Rocky: '''Hear that, Bullwinkle? Won't be long now. '''Bullwinkle: '''Hey! Here we are! '''Rocky: '''Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle! Get up! The steamer's heading right for us! '''Bullwinkle: '''Look out! '''Narrator: '''And the tremendous bulk of the S.S. Andalusia swept past without even slowing down. '''Rocky: '''Boy, that was too close for comfort. '''Bullwinkle: '''Yeah. If I ever catch the nitwit who's steering that boat I-- ''(The S.S. Andalusia sweeps past again) 'Bullwinkle: '''Nothing personal, you understand! '''Rocky: '''Look out, Bullwinkle! Here she comes again! This time, she's ''really ''gonna run us down! '''Narrator: '''And sure enough, the knight-like prow of the huge ocean liner struck the lifeboat squarely in the middle! Don't miss our next episode: ''The Deep Six or The Old Moose and the Sea!